While there may be more needed than just criticism of people’s choices, criticism, especially from those of higher status, could actually be helpful. People make many choices based on how others will perceive them. If they believe that they will be perceived negatively for squandering their time and money on selfish pleasures and consumption rather than bringing new life into the world and building up society, they will be less likely to make that choice, or, at the least, less likely to promote it.
It comes down to priorities. In today’s world, there are many who demand too much and expect too much. People think there are things you need to do that you don’t need to do.
One thing you learn when you grow, especially when you become a parent, is you don’t have enough time to do everything you want to do. You have to set priorities for what’s important. Non-parents also confront this.
Sadly, getting married and having children was not promoted well in recent decades. It became less of a priority.
I must say that I find the guy who is not going to to have kids in part because he wants leisure time to play golf incredibly frivolous, a case of someone not wanting to grow up and assume adult responsibilities. We all have pastimes we enjoy but life is cannot be all play. I love to dance; twenty some years ago I could go out Friday and Saturday nights and early Sunday evenings to indulge that. These days age and other more serious concerns (notably my dedication to my church) do not permit such hedonistic weekends and I only get out on a dance floor maybe twice a month. I know my parents had to set some things aside they loved when they had me. And so did their parents in their days, and so on back through time. I am very sympathetic to complaints about the expenses of modern life-- I live here too after all. And I am sympathetic too to complaints about jobs that suck time (especially uncompensated time) out of workers like some vampire. We do indeed need reforms and a better deal for the average man and woman. But people also need to be serious about life and assume the necessary burdens that come with adulthood.
That guardian article… It is absolutely true that much “how to” family advice overpromises what most people can expect out of marriage, but that article is beyond nonsense. At what point did we think it was a good idea to let BPD types run our journalistic media empires?
The childless couple with the $3200 mortgage jumped out at me, since that's almost exactly what we pay for our 1800 sqft detached house 3 miles outside the Beltway in Northern Virginia.
If they're paying that much in Utah, I'm inclined to think that 1) no one ever told them "house poor" was a thing and/or 2) there's something seriously wrong with the market for starter homes.
The math tells me the base price of this house is too high for what it is (unless it's a 15-year mortgage), but it's also partly a reminder of the brutal math of mortgage rates shooting up. Those of us paying ~3% are living in a different world from someone trying to start out at 6%+.
Brief side note: my childhood was in the nineties and oughts, I was the older of two, the house I grew up in was about two thousand square feet of living space, and that was plenty of room.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes I coveted the larger houses some of my friends had, and my family couldn't exactly entertain, but it's very doable.
A young couple at my church have a 2BR 1BT house. They already have a son, and another boy on the way. They plan of the two boys rooming together. That sort of arrangement was very common for larger families when I was growing up, whereas nowadays too many parents think each child must have his/her own room. My church friends do want at least three kids, and four is not out of the question and yes, they know that they will need to do an add on to that house to make more room for that to happen. (The house is in a good neighborhood and they have it in the clear, an inheritance from family. It's something to hang on to).
You're right in that it's absolutely doable. It's just that, as Aaron stated, these people don't *want* to do it. Raising children is difficult, messy, and above all, SACRIFICIAL -- it's the ultimate in practicing deferred gratification.
The purpose of of the NYT story is to validate those who are unwilling to make that sacrifice, and they feel guilty about it.
The majority of children in Vienna are Muslim. Europe has been conquered from within. Natives can't afford to have kids because they pay taxes that allow foreigners to have more children.
While there may be more needed than just criticism of people’s choices, criticism, especially from those of higher status, could actually be helpful. People make many choices based on how others will perceive them. If they believe that they will be perceived negatively for squandering their time and money on selfish pleasures and consumption rather than bringing new life into the world and building up society, they will be less likely to make that choice, or, at the least, less likely to promote it.
It comes down to priorities. In today’s world, there are many who demand too much and expect too much. People think there are things you need to do that you don’t need to do.
One thing you learn when you grow, especially when you become a parent, is you don’t have enough time to do everything you want to do. You have to set priorities for what’s important. Non-parents also confront this.
Sadly, getting married and having children was not promoted well in recent decades. It became less of a priority.
I must say that I find the guy who is not going to to have kids in part because he wants leisure time to play golf incredibly frivolous, a case of someone not wanting to grow up and assume adult responsibilities. We all have pastimes we enjoy but life is cannot be all play. I love to dance; twenty some years ago I could go out Friday and Saturday nights and early Sunday evenings to indulge that. These days age and other more serious concerns (notably my dedication to my church) do not permit such hedonistic weekends and I only get out on a dance floor maybe twice a month. I know my parents had to set some things aside they loved when they had me. And so did their parents in their days, and so on back through time. I am very sympathetic to complaints about the expenses of modern life-- I live here too after all. And I am sympathetic too to complaints about jobs that suck time (especially uncompensated time) out of workers like some vampire. We do indeed need reforms and a better deal for the average man and woman. But people also need to be serious about life and assume the necessary burdens that come with adulthood.
That guardian article… It is absolutely true that much “how to” family advice overpromises what most people can expect out of marriage, but that article is beyond nonsense. At what point did we think it was a good idea to let BPD types run our journalistic media empires?
I went into it expecting scare mongering. I did not expect nearly enough.
The childless couple with the $3200 mortgage jumped out at me, since that's almost exactly what we pay for our 1800 sqft detached house 3 miles outside the Beltway in Northern Virginia.
If they're paying that much in Utah, I'm inclined to think that 1) no one ever told them "house poor" was a thing and/or 2) there's something seriously wrong with the market for starter homes.
The math tells me the base price of this house is too high for what it is (unless it's a 15-year mortgage), but it's also partly a reminder of the brutal math of mortgage rates shooting up. Those of us paying ~3% are living in a different world from someone trying to start out at 6%+.
Home prices in Utah have gone up a lot.
Brief side note: my childhood was in the nineties and oughts, I was the older of two, the house I grew up in was about two thousand square feet of living space, and that was plenty of room.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes I coveted the larger houses some of my friends had, and my family couldn't exactly entertain, but it's very doable.
A young couple at my church have a 2BR 1BT house. They already have a son, and another boy on the way. They plan of the two boys rooming together. That sort of arrangement was very common for larger families when I was growing up, whereas nowadays too many parents think each child must have his/her own room. My church friends do want at least three kids, and four is not out of the question and yes, they know that they will need to do an add on to that house to make more room for that to happen. (The house is in a good neighborhood and they have it in the clear, an inheritance from family. It's something to hang on to).
Definitely; even in bigger cities, just paying the property taxes is way cheaper than a mortgage most anywhere.
You're right in that it's absolutely doable. It's just that, as Aaron stated, these people don't *want* to do it. Raising children is difficult, messy, and above all, SACRIFICIAL -- it's the ultimate in practicing deferred gratification.
The purpose of of the NYT story is to validate those who are unwilling to make that sacrifice, and they feel guilty about it.
The majority of children in Vienna are Muslim. Europe has been conquered from within. Natives can't afford to have kids because they pay taxes that allow foreigners to have more children.
Err...no. You're putting the cart before the horse. Europe's below-replacement birthrate is the reason for the immigration, not the other way around.