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Rev Ransom's avatar

There was a First Things article a long time ago that argued that the various taboos that we have when it comes to sex provide the space for the relationships we need. Obviously the strong taboo against incest is necessary for healthy families. The taboo against paedophobia creates space for children to learn from adults who are not related to them and those who are. Finally, the taboo against homosexuality is what creates the space for friendships among men. Note well how all three of these taboos have been under vigorous assault. In the blue collar world, to pick up on someone's comment here, the taboo against homosexuality remains strong and as a result so do male friendships. I think Aaron hinted at this when he said that male affection is gay coded, but didn't use to be when the strong taboo was in place. In addition, it is not only wife and kids that undermines male friendships, it is more likely wife with a career. In such households, which are the norm now among younger married couples, all the housework is put under the category "do it when you have time." And it is all hands on deck. If a guy never sees his wife because she is working all the time, he is going to pick her over the guys after a long week (and probably should.)

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Rich Cromwell's avatar

I co-host and produce a podcast. There are two blue collar guys, with one being the main host, and two white collar guys, of which I am one, and usually a guest or two. We discuss the problem of male friendship a ton on the show and one of the interesting dynamics I've noticed is the blue collar guys, given they work in male dominated industries, not only have very large friend groups, they also have absolutely zero problem telling other men they love them and are there for them. By being part of it, it's helped grow my friend group and support network in ways that I never have been able to in the white collar world. Producing a podcast isn't an option for everyone, but for white collar guys, it might be worth the time and effort to start hitting up a bar, pool hall, or other location where blue collar men congregate. Our hopes and fears and stresses and successes really aren't that different from one another, we just dress a little differently for our respective jobs.

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