A new report issued by the Church of England calls for, in essence, the normalization of singleness, putting it on equal footing with married life. They write: The Commission believes strongly that single people must be valued at the heart of our society. Jesus’ own singleness should ensure that the Church of England celebrates singleness and does not regard it as lesser than living in a couple relationship. Loving relationships and being able to give and receive love matter to everyone. We have an amazing opportunity to reimagine a diverse society in which all families and loving relationships are valued and strengthened, promoting the stability that enables us all to thrive in a variety of family constellations, including being single.
Brian, one key difference today is that there is zero cultural pressure to stay married. In the past, if you married at 20, struggled and were miserable for 2-3 or even 10 years while you figured it out and then had a better and happier marriage because of the struggle, then that was well and good. Today, it's far more likely that the weaker partner pulls the ripcord and divorces in that scenario, and there is nothing but their personal faith to discourage that.
My heuristic is that I want my children to be prepared for marriage as early as possible, but not actively seeking it till at least in their twenties. I desire for my children to have the necessary moral character for marriage by 14 or 15, but then avoid serious dating till at least 19-20 and perhaps more like 23.
Any culture that does not prioritise marriage and reproduction will die out. It's pretty simple really. Celebrating singleness is signing your own cultural death warrant.
Aaron, not exactly on topic but what are your thoughts on western and even western church teaching or discipleship if you will that seem to advocate for marriage as a thing to do in your later 20s or even later in life as opposed to early 20s or later teens?
I think one of the challenges of married life is adjusting to living with your mate. Research seems to suggest that couples that "finish growing up together" may actually be more satisfied and have slightly better chances at staying married. I think that if the church and families were raising kids to get married young (have the level of maturity our grandparents and great grandparents had) we might not be in this "all hail the single" moment right now.
Still yet the church must realize that 50% or more of those age 18 and up are in fact single in the west. With that realization we must be reaching and teaching these singles. I find it the hardest part of our ministry which seeks to blend families and singles in the military is the consistency of the young singles to being with us at our weekly meetings. Any thoughts you have or successes you have seen are appreciated.
I think historically it would have been normal for men to marry in their mid-20s, say 25 or 26. The early marriage ages of the postwar era were unusual. I'd actually caution against overly young marriages, as statistically they can be at higher risk of divorce. Our brains don't finish maturing until age 25, and in my experience people are really not fully adult in their outlook until that age. While I wouldn't discourage people from say getting marriage on graduation from college, I don't think we need to fixate on early marriage. Where I think we've gone wrong is in essentially encouraging people to explicitly defer marriage until age 30+.
Overly young may have as much to do with how one is raised as actual age. I saw somewhere that having our brains finish maturing together has a benefit to happiness in marriage though marriage before age 25 has higher probability of divorce. This link is the source research I think to the article am thinking of and cannot find right now.
My family going back from my kids 5 generations is one of earlier marriage (age 15 for my paternal great grandmother) and there is only one divorce (maternal side grandparents). For my 4 kids three are married at 25, 24, and 24 and one is 26 and living with a man (about to get married). My wife and I both realize our immaturity at marriage but we have made plus 30 years and I think the early marriage (me 21 she was just 19) and kids right away helped us a lot. Not as much as our shared faith perhaps but it helped that we became one as we finished maturing.
Finale thought, you may give some too much credit about being fully adult in thinking at age 25, 26. Just saying from my perspective, which I admit it is narrow as I have been military since I was 18 years old.
I just spent a few minutes looking on the Church of England's website, while they have a few ministry tabs for youth and children, I could not find anything that specifically offered or talked about supporting families. Yet they have resources available for just about every progressive cause you can imagine. You can tell just by looking for a few minutes the average person active in a CofE church today is older woman with liberal politics who has been widowed or divorced. As an organization, they are past the point they would even know how to offer support to families with kids. They at least have the excuse of being government funded for not thinking about this. The American churches who have gone down this same path can't fall back on that. Very few people in the leadership of these churches even recognize it is a problem.
We protestants stink at the concept of vocation. I look around, and see this idea of just letting people figure things out for themselves is not going well at all, no matter how "empowering" we call it.
It is more than just protestants, it is the society as a whole. This speaks volumes to how the church has failed to live differently than the world. My son (and I take little to no credit here) and his wife are seeming to do it better than I did. He is becoming an electrician and I think he is bringing the light of Christ into every home he enters.
Brian, one key difference today is that there is zero cultural pressure to stay married. In the past, if you married at 20, struggled and were miserable for 2-3 or even 10 years while you figured it out and then had a better and happier marriage because of the struggle, then that was well and good. Today, it's far more likely that the weaker partner pulls the ripcord and divorces in that scenario, and there is nothing but their personal faith to discourage that.
My heuristic is that I want my children to be prepared for marriage as early as possible, but not actively seeking it till at least in their twenties. I desire for my children to have the necessary moral character for marriage by 14 or 15, but then avoid serious dating till at least 19-20 and perhaps more like 23.
Substack's reactions need a tear emoji.
Any culture that does not prioritise marriage and reproduction will die out. It's pretty simple really. Celebrating singleness is signing your own cultural death warrant.
The downstream problems from valuing compassion above all are becoming crystal clear.
Aaron, not exactly on topic but what are your thoughts on western and even western church teaching or discipleship if you will that seem to advocate for marriage as a thing to do in your later 20s or even later in life as opposed to early 20s or later teens?
I think one of the challenges of married life is adjusting to living with your mate. Research seems to suggest that couples that "finish growing up together" may actually be more satisfied and have slightly better chances at staying married. I think that if the church and families were raising kids to get married young (have the level of maturity our grandparents and great grandparents had) we might not be in this "all hail the single" moment right now.
Still yet the church must realize that 50% or more of those age 18 and up are in fact single in the west. With that realization we must be reaching and teaching these singles. I find it the hardest part of our ministry which seeks to blend families and singles in the military is the consistency of the young singles to being with us at our weekly meetings. Any thoughts you have or successes you have seen are appreciated.
I think historically it would have been normal for men to marry in their mid-20s, say 25 or 26. The early marriage ages of the postwar era were unusual. I'd actually caution against overly young marriages, as statistically they can be at higher risk of divorce. Our brains don't finish maturing until age 25, and in my experience people are really not fully adult in their outlook until that age. While I wouldn't discourage people from say getting marriage on graduation from college, I don't think we need to fixate on early marriage. Where I think we've gone wrong is in essentially encouraging people to explicitly defer marriage until age 30+.
Overly young may have as much to do with how one is raised as actual age. I saw somewhere that having our brains finish maturing together has a benefit to happiness in marriage though marriage before age 25 has higher probability of divorce. This link is the source research I think to the article am thinking of and cannot find right now.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3437253/
My family going back from my kids 5 generations is one of earlier marriage (age 15 for my paternal great grandmother) and there is only one divorce (maternal side grandparents). For my 4 kids three are married at 25, 24, and 24 and one is 26 and living with a man (about to get married). My wife and I both realize our immaturity at marriage but we have made plus 30 years and I think the early marriage (me 21 she was just 19) and kids right away helped us a lot. Not as much as our shared faith perhaps but it helped that we became one as we finished maturing.
Finale thought, you may give some too much credit about being fully adult in thinking at age 25, 26. Just saying from my perspective, which I admit it is narrow as I have been military since I was 18 years old.
I've decided I hate the word "reimagine" and think it should be banned.
Is there still any gold in Fort Knox?
I just spent a few minutes looking on the Church of England's website, while they have a few ministry tabs for youth and children, I could not find anything that specifically offered or talked about supporting families. Yet they have resources available for just about every progressive cause you can imagine. You can tell just by looking for a few minutes the average person active in a CofE church today is older woman with liberal politics who has been widowed or divorced. As an organization, they are past the point they would even know how to offer support to families with kids. They at least have the excuse of being government funded for not thinking about this. The American churches who have gone down this same path can't fall back on that. Very few people in the leadership of these churches even recognize it is a problem.
We protestants stink at the concept of vocation. I look around, and see this idea of just letting people figure things out for themselves is not going well at all, no matter how "empowering" we call it.
It is more than just protestants, it is the society as a whole. This speaks volumes to how the church has failed to live differently than the world. My son (and I take little to no credit here) and his wife are seeming to do it better than I did. He is becoming an electrician and I think he is bringing the light of Christ into every home he enters.