Just Say "Thank You"

Don't self-deprecate when people give you a compliment.

A lot of men don’t know how to accept a compliment, immediately self-deprecating in some way when receiving one, or otherwise acting uncomfortable.

My neighbor Adam Wren, a national political reporter for Politico, got at this when he made a viral tweet that, “When you compliment a Midwesterner on a personal possession, it is custom for him to respond by explaining that he acquired said item at a significant discount.”

He’s basically correct about the Midwest, but this isn’t a good look.

The right answer in these situations is simple: “Thank you.”

Here are two examples. First, what not to do:

Other Person: You really did a great job in that sales presentation today.

You: You really think so? I thought I said, “Um” a lot and I was sure I screwed up the numbers on page 3.

Here’s a better way:

Other Person: You really did a great job in that sales presentation today.

You: Thank you.

It doesn’t have to be literally two words every time. Maybe you say, “Thank you. I appreciate your saying so.” But don’t start self-deprecating.

Brooks Brothers sells a nice, short book by John Bridges called How to Be a Gentleman. I’ll be the first person to tell you that much of the old gentleman’s code is obsolete today, and is often promoted by people who are trying to take advantage of you. But there are legitimately a lot of great tips in this.

While I seem to have misplaced my own copy, as I recall, a number of the tips are to simply say, “Thank you” in many cases.

Somebody gives you a gift you don’t like? “Thank you.”

Somebody gives you a gift you already have? “Thank you.”

The book contains a lot of useful, pithy advice of that nature. Speaking of the book, the timing is perfect for me to mention it because the book is on sale for only $4.99 (regular $36.00) and looks like it may be being discontinued. So buy your copy while you can.

In the universe of men’s self-improvement advice, this is a tip that is one of the easiest to put into practice - thought it can take some time to break the self-deprecation habit! In general, men do way too much self-deprecating. Simply saying, “Thank you” to compliments is a way to both be polite and demonstrate self-confidence.